one month

today marks our one month gotcha day anniversary!  it has been one month since raymond officially became our son.  even though it has been one of the hardest months of my life, it has also been one of the happiest.  raymond makes me laugh and smile all the time.  he has the sweetest personality and we are just unbelievable blessed to call him our son.  i thank god everyday for giving me my two sweet boys!

burts farm

today marks one week that we have been home.  i really want to write about our first week home, but i just don't have it in me.  hopefully sometime this week i will do it, but for now just pictures from our trip to the pumpkin patch at burts farm!

brothers

fed, bathed, and ready for bed!

Home Sweet Home

it feels so good to be home with my family! i just keep thinking about the past month and all that has brought me to this amazing place in my life. what an incredible journey!

our last day two days in uganda were very special, we had our good-bye party on thursday. it was very emotional for me. all the mamas (nannies) played the drums and were singing songs of praise. before we had the cakes and snacks one of the mamas said a prayer in luganda, i have no idea what she said but many of the mamas would shout out in the middle. i was crying and i didn't even know what she said. then they asked me to say something, i didn't know that i was going to have to do that. i had a hard time getting through it but i thanked everyone of loving and caring for my son for the past 2.5 years. i told them that they have changed my life and that this place will be in my heart forever. i am getting emotional now just thinking back to that moment. we were able to get a 50lb bag of rice and a 50lb bag of sugar for a gift to the mamas. after the cake we divided the rice and sugar into smaller bags for all the mamas. the mamas were so happy, while we were dividing it all up they were all singing and dancing. it was a beautiful moment. i did get some video, i will try to upload it in a few days! it was awesome to do something for all the ladies that work so hard taking care of these children. i think that the mamas only make about $40 a month. i wish i could have done more.

traveling alone with raymond was harder than i had imagined. he was really good for a 2.5 year old that was totally overwhelmed, but he had his moments. he had his first meltdown at the uganda airport when we realized that i had forgotten his juice cup at sanyu. i think i was even more upset than he was since we were going to have to be traveling for 24 hours with no juice cup. raymond fell asleep about 30 minutes after we were in the air and slept just about the whole flight. he woke up crying a few times, but i think he was just confused about where we were. i didn't sleep at all because we were in 2 middle seats so i had someone next to me and raymond has someone next to him. raymond slept with his head on my lap and he kept stretching his legs out and kicking the man that was sitting next to him. so i couldn't sleep, i was worried that raymond would disturb people.

our 5 hour layover was alright, the amsterdam airport has a kids play area and there were not very many kids there so it was nice for raymond to play! we ate mcdonalds... raymonds first time and he wouldn't eat it! i am not sure if he didn't like, or if he was just so overwhelmed. i tried to get a room at a little hotel so that i could get a fresh shower, but they were sold out. we finally got on plane #2, raymond was sooo tired and having many meltdowns so i was ready to get in the air so he would go to sleep. some people on the plane needed to get off the plane, so we had to wait for about one hour for the people to get off and then the airline had to take their bags off the plane. so instead of a 9 hour flight we were on the plane for 10 hours. 10 HOURS!!! raymond slept for about 25 minutes at the very beginning and that's it. i tried many times, but could not get him to go back to sleep. it was the longest hours of my life. i thought we would never be home. but he really did pretty good, and the flight attendant was so great she kept checking on us and bringing special treats for raymond. she always made sure that raymond had juice and snacks. when we were finally landing raymond passed out in my arms. the landing was rough, the plane was rocking and swerving, when we touched down raymond got sick all over the place. within 10 seconds of him throwing up he had an explosion in his diaper, and then he got sick again. it was everywhere... even down my shirt! since we were still taxing in i couldn't do anything. it was awful, and it smelled so bad. i felt so bad for everyone around us, and so bad for raymond. he had no idea what was going on. i waited for everyone to get off the plane and we went to the bathroom to get us all cleaned up.

it was quite overwhelming for me going through customs with raymond, our 2 carry on bags and our 3 checked bags by myself, but we made it! riding in the train to baggage claim was almost like a dream. i cried... almost didn't believe that it was happening. we got to the big escalator to ride up to where all our family was waiting, and it seemed like it was moving so slow. i stepped off the escalator and could see everyone! i can't even describe the feeling, or how to put into words how happy i felt. max and andy came over first and it was sooo good to see them. max is huge, i think he grew 6 inches while i was gone!!! to say that max was excited about meeting raymond is a huge understatement. it was so awesome to see my boys together! it felt so good to have andys arms around us. it was just a huge relief to have so many people that love us with me! after a few moments we introduced raymond to the rest of the family. what an awesome way to end our trip. while we were in uganda i kept trying to imagine what it would be like to come home... i could see it. it felt like it was never going to happen. but it was perfect!!!

it feels so good to be home! raymond is doing as good as we can expect. he is terrified of our dog! hopefully it wont take long for him to get used to her. max and raymond have lots of adjusting to do, it think it will take some time. but really we are doing great! they boys were only up once last night. they are napping right now. i am really tired, and can't wait to get my energy back. my sister took all the pictures at the airport, if you haven't seen them on facebook you can check out her blog, www.loveisspokenhere.wordpress.com when i get some pictures form her i will post them here.

i am going to do my best to update on our progress here, so keeping checking on us! it might not be as often, just depends on how the boys are doing!

thank you so much for all your prayers and your support. i could not have gotten through it without all of you!

day 20- almost there

busy day today! i went our to do all of our last minute stuff and raymond stayed here with all the guys. he cried a bit when i left, and he has been a little emotional all day. we had our party this afternoon, it was very emotional. but it was a beautiful celebration. i did not know that i was going to have to say something so of course i cried and had a really hard time getting through it. what do you say to the people that have taken care of your child for 2.5 years. i took some video of the mama's singing and dancing in celebration. i will have to share some video when we get home. i am really not excited about doing the last walk around the baby home to say goodbye to everyone. as much as i want to come home, it is going to be so hard to leave.

we didn't get ramonds visa today, when we got to the embassy it was really crowded and i could not wait because i had to be back for the party. i am heading back to the embassy tomorrow morning first thing. the social worker called this morning to let me know that visa has been printed so i am not worried that i don't have it yet!

i am so excited....

to see max and andy
to have our whole family together
to have water, and take a long hot shower
to have clean clothes
to have a real bed
to eat normal food
to have a cold drink
to not have mosquito bites & not sleep under a net
to have air conditioning
to not have to search through suitcases to find something

i think the list could go on, but these are some of the big ones!

i am so blessed to have been here and thank the lord for everything he has done for us. without him, i would not have gotten through this! in 48 hours we will be home!!!

day 19- the end is near

what an incredible day today has been. i knew that our gotcha day was going to be awesome, but i didn't realize how good i would feel getting our visa. we had our visa appointment today and it could not have gone any smoother. the case worker told us that we are her dream case! she said we could come back tomorrow and our visa will be printed! Praise God!!!! thank you to you all that prayed so hard for us. i started to cry a little in the office when she said "you can take your son home", and raymond looked at me and said..."raymond is going to america, yeah" as he put his arms up in the air. it was priceless. i have been talking to him about it, and told him that we were at this meeting so that we can go to america, but i can't believe that he said that at the perfect moment!

so now the adventure continues.... 24 hours on planes and in airports! we will leave uganda friday night and with the time changes we will arrive in atlanta around 2:00 on saturday afternoon! i have so many mixed emotions. i am beyond excited to get home, but still a little sad to be leaving africa. this has been a truly life changing journey that has taught me so much. and the crazy part is that i did it by myself, no one at home will ever know what this was like. its a little strange.

tomorrow afternoon we will have a going away party! i am not looking forward to it. i know it is so important for raymond and for all the nannies here, but i know it is going to be so difficult to say goodbye to these people that loved my son for the past 2.5 years. and also to know that i am taking raymond away form the awesome culture here.

oh, and the picture is of raymond showing me how old he is!! he had no idea how old he was two weeks ago... lots of progress!

day 18- making progress

i am really pretty tired tonight, but i wanted to give everyone a quick update! we have our visa appointment tomorrow at 1:00pm. we have everything in order so it should go smooth, although i have learned that in africa almost nothing goes smooth! the embassy says that it usually takes 2-4 days to process a visa... this is where we need huge prayers. i desperately want to come home this weekend, and that means we need the visa by friday afternoon! please pray big for us!

raymond has been doing much better. his breakdowns are few and far between! and when he has them they are more like a normal toddler. he is also doing much better with the discipline, it was quite a challenge the first week. he kissed a picture of max tonight, so sweet! he also tells me several times a day that he is going to america.... in a car!!! i wish that everyone could see the progress that we have made. he has changed so much in the past few weeks, i am so proud of him!

it is getting so much harder to be away from home. my heart is aching from missing max and andy. it is hard to talk to max on the phone, and hear him in the background when i am talking to andy. it will be sooooo good to have all of my family together. it is actually hard to imagine having us all together at home. our house will be a fun place, with our two boys. oh yeah and loud too!

day 16- breath

sorry it has been a few days since my last post. it has been a really rough few days. raymond has been having a really hard time. to say he has been emotional is an understatement. yesterday he screamed for 4.5 hours straight. and i am not talking about crying like a normal cry, i mean screaming till he is gaging and throwing up. one minute he wants nothing to do with me and the next he is wanting me to hold him and then a second later thrashing our of my arms again. i have never seen anything like it. i think he is confused about everything that is going on and all of the changes are really overwhelming. last night after i got him to sleep i went outside and cried for at least an hour. this is so much harder than i had imagined.

i have been praying for strength, and for god to show me the right way to help raymond.

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

last night i came across this verse and it gave me some hope and encouragement to face the day today. today was a little bit better. definitely not perfect, but not as hard as yesterday. we had some really great moments together and fewer breakdowns. he told me he loved me again at bedtime tonight and he shared kisses with me several times throughout the day!

we did some laundry today. i tried to sneak away to get it done quickly, but raymond noticed after about 2 minutes that i was gone and he started to panic so i had a big helper with the wash. this was a first for me, i have never done laundry by hand before, it was interesting. raymond managed to get soaked from head to toe and he got into paint when i wasn't looking and covered himself in it. when i walked inside to get something to clean it off he stuck his hands into the wash basin and got paint all over the clothes. we still don't have running water in the house so it was lots of fun trying to clean him up outside with cold rain water!!! oh, the memories that i will never forget!! raymonds legs are still milky looking from the paint! also the paint didn't come out of the clothes that i was washing, i guess i will try again at home.

i did make it to friday market and found some great buys, including drums for the boys. raymond LOVES his drum. he plays it constantly, and sings of course. it is amazing how well he plays, he really plays the beat of the song he is singing. he usually sits in his elephant chair when he is playing, so cute!

***pray for raymond, he needs all our prayers***

*pray for our last test at the doctors tomorrow morning

*pray we get the last of our paperwork tomorrow

*pray we get water, we are on day 10 without water (except for one afternoon)

*pray we get a quick visa appointment

day 13- and still no water!

13 days in africa, i have to say that i never even dreamed this. i think that i will look back on this experience and think of it as a dream. even though it has been crazy ups and downs it has been an adventure of a lifetime, a journey that has changed me forever. this has made me a better, stronger, more faithful person.

raymond is still doing well, today we had his second test. he didn't scream as bad as he did yesterday, but it was even more sad seeing him trying to be tough. it just broke my heart. we found out that since friday is uganda independence day, the labs are closed so we can't do the last test till monday. which stinks because i was hoping to have our visa appointment tomorrow afternoon. so now it looks like we will have raymonds final tests on monday and the visa appointment on tuesday. and praying that we will be heading home next friday!!! that is our number one prayer.

other than the test this morning raymond had a pretty good day. he had an emotional episode this afternoon and i have no idea what triggered it. all i can guess is he was just feeling overwhelmed, or part of adjusting to all the changes. he was laughing sitting on my lap one moment and then hysterical the next. he screamed for about 10 minutes, he didn't want me to hold him or talk to him. i finally just sat on the floor next to him and waited. after a few minutes he stopped and moved into my lap and let me hold him for a while. raymond did much better with meals today, he ate great all day! he is still singing ALL the time! At bedtime we did our usual routine, but when we finished our prayers he said night night mommy, i love you, gave me a hug and a kiss! AWESOME!!!

tomorrow is friday market, i am looking forward to going again. i am not sure what else is on the agenda. we have nothing planned for the next few days.

i forgot to mention that i got raymonds passport today! please continue to pray that the rest of our trip goes smooth, and we don't have any more delays!

Day 11-

Wow, I am not even sure how to put into words the past 2 days. It has been pretty rough. I have heard people talk about facing challenges when in third world countries trying to bring home their child, but I never put myself in that place. I never really prepared myself to face it, especially alone. Everything had been going so smooth almost perfect, so I was really caught off guard to hit this bump. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Today we headed to the doctor’s office bright and early only to wait around for 4 hours and get more bad news, and three more days of testing. I felt so overwhelmed. When we finally made it back to the guesthouse Raymond was so hungry because he was not allowed to eat before the test that didn’t even get done. I got him fed, put him down for a nap, and just sat and had a good cry. I know so many people have been through worse situations, but it is so much to process. I have been here 11 days and it feels like 30. Looking forward, around 15 more days….. Seems like forever. I know I am surrounded by a great people here and they are really supportive, but it’s different from having family. There is a lot of paperwork and keeping on top of making sure that other people are doing the things that they say they are doing. On top of keeping up with Raymond by myself and trying to bond with him and show him that he can trust me. That has been the hardest part of all the testing. We have been doing so good building trust, and he really has been showing signs of attachment. But then this morning I had to keep food from him. He wanted something to eat so badly and he was practically screaming in the waiting room trying to get into my bag because I usually give him crackers or something. When he calmed down he wanted nothing to do with me. He was really mad, it broke my heart. I need him to depend on me and the next few days are going to be hard since he doesn’t understand. While Raymond was sleeping I spent some time praying that God brings me peace with everything that I have been struggling with. I don’t know how else I will get through the next few weeks.

I had wanted to take Raymond out by myself, but every day I talk myself out of it, or something else has come up. So this afternoon when Raymond woke up I called a driver to come and get us. We did some shopping and stocked up on groceries. Raymond rode in a grocery cart for the first time; he thought it was pretty funny. I felt like he was loosening up again. On the way back to the baby home we were in bad traffic so the driver took some side roads around the city. Raymond sat in my lap singing the whole time, and I watched out the widow seeing some incredible sights. I felt that peace that I have been praying for come over me, and I was just happy to be in the moment with my son. I can’t even describe the things I saw out the window in the hour it took to get back to the guest house. I saw beauty, sadness, things that made me smile, that made me laugh, things that made me cry. The whole time, hearing my son singing in the sweetest voice I have ever heard, just incredible. It is just amazing the way God shows himself just when I felt defeated. I am here to bring my sweet son home, and I know our God will move mountains for it to happen. I am ready to trust that this is happening in his time and everything that is put in front of me, he will carry us through.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Raymond and I had a great night! He ate a good dinner, and took a bath!! (We have water!!!) He played with William and was just content and happy. We did our regular nighttime routine of reading books and saying our prayers. When I turned the lights out, he put my hand on his back and his hand on my chest. He fell asleep in my arms with his hand on my chest, it was so sweet! I needed that!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, my biggest concern right now is all the testing that Raymond has to have. I am only a little bit concerned about the tests themselves, but more concerned about putting Raymond through it, and him trusting me since I am the one taking him there every morning for the next three days.

*praying that we will be able to come home at the end of next week.
*praying for Raymond and his adjustment, there are so many changes for him.
*praying that our water stays on

Thank you all for your love and support, it means so much to me!

day 10- not the best

today was not the greatest day. we went to the doctor this morning and he has ordered some chest x-rays and a procedure that we have to do tomorrow morning. please pray that everything goes smooth. it is going to be a hard morning for both of us.

if raymond is feeling up to it i might take him to garden city tomorrow evening. garden city is the Uganda version of a mall. i think it would be good to have some one on one time together. we are always around other people since we are staying at the guest house at the baby home.

raymond is adjusting to all the new food. he doesn't seem to like cheese, he always spits it out. i don't know if it is just the new texture or if he really doesn't like it. i am going to keep trying. the cook made french fries, or as they call them "chips" tonight, raymond loved them! he also had a rice crispy treat after dinner and loved it too.

raymond loves to read books, i don't have very many here so he is already reading them along with me. he already sings god our father prayers with me too!

the medical stuff could hold us up from coming home as soon as we hoped, but i don't know for sure yet. i am hoping to know more tomorrow. i didn't take many pictures today, we were at the doctor for over 5 hours. can you imagine 5 hours at a doctor with a 2.5 year old? fun day!!! this post was a all over the place, i will try to put together a better post for tomorrow.

keep us in your prayers!

Day 8- first full day with Raymond…..

(Pictures are from our day, and bedtime tonight!)

My first full day with Raymond and we woke up to NO WATER. I was dreading this, and hoping that it would not happen while I was here, but it has. I guess when the water goes out it usually goes out for 4 days. Yuck! I already feel gross, and I look it too. I have the pictures to prove it, but I don’t plan to put them on here!!!

Other than having no water here, we had a great day! Lots of bonding going on, which is fantastic! We had a doctor appointment for his visa at 12:30, we got there and they said someone overbooked the schedule and we needed to wait till 3:00. This is normal here in Uganda, I guess most of Africa. If you ask a driver to pick you up at 10:00, they will come at 10:30 or 11:00. It is so frustrating, but I am adapting to it! So instead of waiting at the doctor’s office we went to get visa pictures made. Raymond fell asleep in the car on the way back to Sanyu so he didn’t want to take a nap when we got back! We went back to the doctor and got all of the paperwork filled out, Raymond had to have a finger prick, and he was a champ, not even a little cry! Everything is good, we have to go back Monday morning for the exam part of it (today was just tests and paperwork). We did our same evening routine as last night, lots of books, some snuggles, and prayers. After I turned the lights out Raymond was asleep in less than 30 seconds! He is sooooo sweet, I love him so much! I just can’t wait to have BOTH my boys together!

Have I mentioned that Raymond is a singer? He sings ALL day long, sometimes in English, sometimes in Luganda, and sometime half and half! He makes everyone laugh. If he is not singing he is pointing to something and telling you what it is! “A car, a dog, a triangle, an elephant, a bus, a boda boda, and on and on.” Everyone tells me he is very smart! He doesn’t stop talking, which should be fun since Max is the same exact way! Our house is going to be an exciting place to be!!!

There is still a bit of work to do before we can come home. We will have our final doctor visit Monday and assuming everything is fine, they will have the medical papers to the embassy by Tuesday. We are still waiting on our court papers; please pray that they come in on Monday! We also have to wait on Raymond’s passport and our immigrations papers to make it to the US embassy. It might not sound like that much, but we are working on Uganda time which means a lot of waiting! I miss Andy and Max so much, so I am hoping to have everything in order this week so that we have our embassy appointment at the end of the week. That would have us heading home mid-week of the next week. Lots of prayers please!!!

On a sad note, Sanyu lost a baby today. Sweet Jacob was around 8 months old and had only been here for about 18 days. It is just heartbreaking. It is always hard for everyone when this happens so please keep everyone here in your prayers too.

day 7- he’s finally with me!

check out the chairs that i picked up for Raymond & Max!!!

What an awesome day!!! It started out pretty rough; I woke up around 5:00am sick. I mean really sick. It was terrible, and being sick in Africa is not like being sick in the comfort of home. It feels so gross and then that makes you feel worse. It lasted about 2 hours and then I was fine! A group of us went together to the Friday Market, it was awesome and overwhelming. The Friday Market is basically everything that you see on the streets for sale or in any of the shops, but a lot cheaper. I didn’t buy much because I was so overwhelmed with it all. I made a list tonight so I will have a purpose next week!

On the way back from the market we stopped at the lawyer’s office to see if my court papers were ready and the release papers. The court papers were not ready and they said to come back tomorrow. I almost cried in the office, I think I would have if I had not had other people with me. But they did have the release form ready so I took it with me. I decided to talk to the director of the home and see if she would sign Raymond’s release papers even though she told a family yesterday that she will not sign them till she has the court papers. To my surprise, she signed my papers!!!! Thank You God, I needed this so much. I don’t know if I could have left him again. Raymond was asleep while all of this was going on so when Raymond woke up from his nap I went and got him! Raymond is finally with me… forever!!!

When the other family found out that she signed my papers, they went back over and she signed theirs too! They have a son that is about 1.5 years old. Raymond and William get along really well and it is great that they are going through this together. We made the boys hot dogs for dinner!!! It was great to see them eating real food that isn’t mush! Tonight has been awesome, Raymond was a bit out of his element but he did really well. He stayed in my arms the whole night; if I put him down he got pretty upset so now my arms are tired! But I couldn’t be happier! Raymond laid my lap and we read stories, and then said prayers and he went right to sleep in my arms! So awesome!