Day 11-

Wow, I am not even sure how to put into words the past 2 days. It has been pretty rough. I have heard people talk about facing challenges when in third world countries trying to bring home their child, but I never put myself in that place. I never really prepared myself to face it, especially alone. Everything had been going so smooth almost perfect, so I was really caught off guard to hit this bump. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Today we headed to the doctor’s office bright and early only to wait around for 4 hours and get more bad news, and three more days of testing. I felt so overwhelmed. When we finally made it back to the guesthouse Raymond was so hungry because he was not allowed to eat before the test that didn’t even get done. I got him fed, put him down for a nap, and just sat and had a good cry. I know so many people have been through worse situations, but it is so much to process. I have been here 11 days and it feels like 30. Looking forward, around 15 more days….. Seems like forever. I know I am surrounded by a great people here and they are really supportive, but it’s different from having family. There is a lot of paperwork and keeping on top of making sure that other people are doing the things that they say they are doing. On top of keeping up with Raymond by myself and trying to bond with him and show him that he can trust me. That has been the hardest part of all the testing. We have been doing so good building trust, and he really has been showing signs of attachment. But then this morning I had to keep food from him. He wanted something to eat so badly and he was practically screaming in the waiting room trying to get into my bag because I usually give him crackers or something. When he calmed down he wanted nothing to do with me. He was really mad, it broke my heart. I need him to depend on me and the next few days are going to be hard since he doesn’t understand. While Raymond was sleeping I spent some time praying that God brings me peace with everything that I have been struggling with. I don’t know how else I will get through the next few weeks.

I had wanted to take Raymond out by myself, but every day I talk myself out of it, or something else has come up. So this afternoon when Raymond woke up I called a driver to come and get us. We did some shopping and stocked up on groceries. Raymond rode in a grocery cart for the first time; he thought it was pretty funny. I felt like he was loosening up again. On the way back to the baby home we were in bad traffic so the driver took some side roads around the city. Raymond sat in my lap singing the whole time, and I watched out the widow seeing some incredible sights. I felt that peace that I have been praying for come over me, and I was just happy to be in the moment with my son. I can’t even describe the things I saw out the window in the hour it took to get back to the guest house. I saw beauty, sadness, things that made me smile, that made me laugh, things that made me cry. The whole time, hearing my son singing in the sweetest voice I have ever heard, just incredible. It is just amazing the way God shows himself just when I felt defeated. I am here to bring my sweet son home, and I know our God will move mountains for it to happen. I am ready to trust that this is happening in his time and everything that is put in front of me, he will carry us through.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Raymond and I had a great night! He ate a good dinner, and took a bath!! (We have water!!!) He played with William and was just content and happy. We did our regular nighttime routine of reading books and saying our prayers. When I turned the lights out, he put my hand on his back and his hand on my chest. He fell asleep in my arms with his hand on my chest, it was so sweet! I needed that!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, my biggest concern right now is all the testing that Raymond has to have. I am only a little bit concerned about the tests themselves, but more concerned about putting Raymond through it, and him trusting me since I am the one taking him there every morning for the next three days.

*praying that we will be able to come home at the end of next week.
*praying for Raymond and his adjustment, there are so many changes for him.
*praying that our water stays on

Thank you all for your love and support, it means so much to me!